Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
