Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
