why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
