I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize