There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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