I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
