dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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