I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
