just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
