We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
