Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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