Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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