pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
