You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
