The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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