ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
