I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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