You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
