So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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