She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
