Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
