So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
