Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
