Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
