Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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