Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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