sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
