dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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