If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
