I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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