I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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