so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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