Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I believe in your delicious
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize