I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize