I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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