Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
