Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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