I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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