My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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