If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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