Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
wow bdsm is so cute
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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