I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
are you so shy because you have an std?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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