Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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