It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
