he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
