i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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