Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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