Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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