Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
