Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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