is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
