for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
