Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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