She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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