Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
