i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
