I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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