the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
