I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
