Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
