my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The air was thick with penises
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
