Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
