don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
