I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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