PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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