i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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