So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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