At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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