I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
