I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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