You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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