i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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