So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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