Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
