I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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