I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
