Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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