508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
